Adults Can Be Bullies, Too
In the last three months, I’ve been dealing with a bully. Writing that feels funny to me – I’m too old for a bully. But the truth is, adults are just as capable of being a bully. Instead of stealing my lunch money, this one bullies through gossip – talking and texting untruths, half-truths, or thinly veiled lies that sound believable.
In my situation, this bully is a friend turned frenemy. A personal choice of theirs put them in a position for consequences they didn’t like.
I’m old enough, and surprisingly wise enough, to understand the issue. The bully has hurt feelings, so they bully is trying to hurt someone else.
I’m also happy enough, and stable in my life, that I don’t think about the bully 85% of the time.
And the truth is, I feel sorry for this person who is so wrapped up in my life that they spend so much time focused on me.
Maybe I should take that as a compliment. If I didn’t have something (be it self-confidence, success, or just a winning personality) they wanted, they would have found something else to focus on.
After all, The X-Files next season is about to debut on Fox, wouldn’t catching up on the old episodes be a more interesting way to spend your time?
Yes, truth be told, this bully was able to hurt my deeply. It doesn’t feel good to read texts, “She’ll take advantage.” “Can’t be trusted.” “Would watch her closely.”
It made me question other relationships, and even worse, doubt myself.
Until I realized the intention is to hurt me.
That is the power of a bully. And like taking the sword away from the villain of the fairy tale, the bully loses all their power when I don’t let the words hurt any more.
The next time I find myself listening to hurtful gossip, I’ll try to remember this. I’ll try to remember what it feels like to be an adult being bullied by another adult. And I’ll try to be the better person.